Bungalows Key Largo is the All-inclusive, Adults-only Antidote to South Florida's Child-infested Mega-resorts

Forewarning: if you plan to stay here, you must cope with having your very own outdoor soaking tub, access to private catamarans and unlimited fish tacos. Can you handle this? We know. What a drag.

YOUR PRIVATE OUTDOOR TUB AND SHOWER

But assuming you’re still with us, the “here” we speak of is Bungalows Key Largo, an adults-only all-inclusive resort in the Keys that more than lives up to its name. It’s open now, and, please, allow these pictures to wash over you like a gentle beach breeze. You will not hear children’s screams, or cackling laughter, or violent splashing, for tiny people are forbidden. The soothing silence might even relax you. The absence of Frozen-themed water wings and neon pool noodles will thrill you.

THE POOL AREA FOR COUPLING UP

The hotel re-opened this past December after shuttering for eight months following a fire that destroyed its main beach house. Now back up and running, the massive tiki hut that houses two restaurants and a bar have been rebuilt. None of the 135 suites were damaged in the fire and all are as crisp and inviting as they were when the resort first opened just over a year ago.

CALMING EARTH TONED DECOR OVERLOOKING THE WATER

In the interest of keeping it real, we’ll admit that this is very much a honeymooners type of place, given the privacy of the suites and the fact that it’d be silly not to experience at least one candle-lit aromatherapy bath in your suite’s bougainvillea-laden veranda, replete with oversized, outdoor soaking tubs and garden showers. However, we wouldn’t want you not being married (or just married) to keep you and someone special from enjoying…

THIS IS A BAR, WITH RUM AND ORCHIDS AND SWORDFISH

— The infamous all-inclusive open bar. This is important.

The Hemingway Bar, with its custom-designed tile inspired by Hemingway’s home in Key West

— Mahi-mahi tacos by the hotel pool

— Daily yoga classes and a throng of Peloton bikes in an outdoor workout tiki hut flanking a pool surrounded by cabanas

— Lobster profiteroles and coconut-curry mussels served on an outdoor veranda overlooking the water at Bogie and Bacall‘s, the fine dining restaurant that serves a five-course meal that changes daily

— A refreshing jog around the 12-acres the hotel occupies (of which there’s 1,000 feet of unobstructed shoreline)

— A private tour of Buttonwood Sound aboard one of their two 6-seater floating tiki bar boats

— A rejuvenating magnesium massage followed by a stint in the Himalayan salt room and Eucalyptus steam room at the meandering Zen Garden Spa

THE SPA TRANSPORTS YOU TO NEPALESE MOUNTAINTOPS

The price of all this luxury is not for the financially-challenged, with rooms starting around $1,000 per night per person. Check availability here.

THE FLOATING TIKI BAR BOAT IS THE COOLEST THING YOU’VE EVER SEEN

Leave a Reply