Lime! Jump! Bird! Spin! Lyft! Bolt! So many exciting 4-letter words for the scooter companies invading Miami to the delight of some, and the bane of others. Sure, neophytes (read: everyone is a neophyte!) are constantly crashing them, but the addiction is real. Like Facebook is the new cigarettes, scooters are the new windblown Uber, with people needing easy, elitist fixes to get from A to B, rather than, say, moist-walking on blazing Miami asphalt in 98 degree weather, basting like a turkey in 100% humidity. Downtown, Coconut Grove, Edgewater and Morningside ooze the epidemic.
Scoot scoot!
Zombie scooters, discarded sadistically by drunk, stoned, or wired team-no-sleep!ers, are carelessly tossed on every square inch of sidewalk across the nation – parked across sidewalks, laying across sidewalks, upside down in gutters, and increasingly rage-tossed into water. It’s a special type of screw you! But The People Are Fighting Back.
But what if you could actually own one? But not just any one, but an awesome one, perhaps the best one ever? One you could fold up and carry with you? One that wouldn’t be tossed away after every use like a disposable panty liner after imaginary noodle-dancing at the totally-defunct Miami Pop Festival?
Meet the Audi e-tron Scooter. It’s the coolest electric skateboard scooter thingy ever; so cool, Audi used a sports model who looks exactly like John Krasinski – how hip is that!?
The Audi e-tron Scooter has 4 wheels, weighs 26 pounds (read: less than the average toddler), easily folds up, has a 12.5 mile range at 12.5mph and is designed for one-handed use. Hang ten!
The e-tron comes out in 2020, is available in black or grey, with wood or carbon skateboard decks, and has standard LED headlights, daytime running lights, rear lights and brake lights.
At $2,200 it isn’t cheap, but then again, what Audi is? Feel free to pair the e-tron with a 2020 R8 Spyder. MiMi would.
Feeling like the e-tron is too rich for your blood? Try the much more affordable Citizen Bike’s Frisco eScooter, a company based right here in Miami.
PHOTOS: AUDI