Elon Musk unveiled the most shocking sci-fi pickup truck the world has ever seen – the Tesla Cybertruck – and now we know what springs from his imagination when he’s stoned as all gajesus. Looking like the love child of a stealth fighter jet and a Lamborghini Gallardo, the truck’s purposefully unfinished aesthetic is more dirt-hugging offroad Martian rally sled than suburban hillbilly hauler. Clearly, Tesla’s trying to fill the void left by the defunct, earth-killing Hummer, perfect for people who want to thrive on emission-free intimidation.
Like a little kid, Musk is obsessed with macho military doomsday terminology, like the “biohazard defense mode” of his sedan’s air filtration system, so, accordingly, he’s attached similar specs to Cybertruck. He claims the same 30X Cold-Rolled stainless steel alloy he uses on his SpaceX Starship can withstand 9mm handgun blasts, and that the armor glass windows are unshatterable and bulletproof. Except when they aren’t and disastrously shatter onstage.
While the 6-passenger Cybertruck comes in three flavors, the Vanilla one being $40,000 and having a single electric motor, the top of the line Rocky Road is $70,000, sporting three motors, a 500+ mile range, can tow more than 14,000 lbs, and blasts from 0-60 mph in under 2.9 seconds. Which is faster than a Porsche 911. Oh, and the actual pickup truck part? Cybertruck has more than 100 cubic feet of exterior, lockable storage including the vault, frunk, and sail pillars. WTF is a frunk and a sail pillar?
The full-width headlights and taillights are 2″ high slivers of light. The interiors are cold and minimal, with a 17″ touchscreen in the middle of the dashboard.
Even though they’re not building it until 2021, you can order one now for a measly $100 deposit.