The Oceangoing Sirena 88 Was Totally Designed For Partying Your Sunday Funday Ass Off

Everyone who’s seen the Miami-filmed, Nina Agdal-graced opening sequence of the Entourage movie knows that megayachts are a critical tool for beckoning dozens of bikini clad girls offshore. They laugh, they dance in high heels to Drake, they will not get their hair wet while the sun’s out. But egad, at $30 million upfront or charterable at $180,000 a week, Usher, the 154′ Michael Saylor-owned floating mating call graced by the cast, just isn’t feasible for most.

LEONARDO DICAPRIO’S FORMER GIRLFRIEND NINA AGDAL GUSHES ON USHER

But that’s precisely where the striking new Sirena 88 comes in. Leave it to a Turkish builder to hire fabulous Italians to design a mini-yacht about half the size of Usher, yet has oodles of dancefloor, grace and party nooks. She’s casually luxurious (like MiMi) but oh so ready to party (like MiMi). She’s the ultimate Miami Sunday Funday day boat. We must have her.

As you’ve probably guessed, the Sirena 88 is 88 feet long and 23 feet wide, but where this yacht packs a wallop is her spacious, multi-level outdoor dominions. How many speakers does this thing have? Who makes waterproof gut-rattling subwoofers (square or round, they all pound!)? Should we put the DJ near the upstairs pool, downstairs aft inside the hidden beach club, or at the bow by the other pool? These are the tough, pre-shoveoff decisions you’ll make while texting the girls, wearing your Caddyshack captains hat. Exhausting but so exciting.

THE ULTIMATE PARTY YACHT IN A (RELATIVELY) SMALL PACKAGE

With a 2,000 mile nautical range, which is six South Beach to Tulum round trips without a fill up, the yacht sleeps 12 overnight in 4 gorgeous staterooms, two of them full-beam. By building the yacht upward, sitting high out of the water, the designers have created the profile of a mini cruise ship.

LET’S SEE … SIX IN THE POOL, TWO ASIDE THE POOL, FIVE ON THE SUNBEDS …
A BUBBLY-GUZZLING OASIS AFT IS GOOD FOR A BAKER’S DOZEN
ACRES OF DANCE FLOOR AND A VIP TABLE UP TOP. IF THE GIRLS GET BURNT, CLOSE THE ENORMOUS SUNROOF AT THE PUSH OF A BUTTON.
A GIGANTIC BAR FOR MIXING MAI TAI’S. SEE THE LITTLE WHITE THING ON THE LOWEST LEFT? THAT’S THE OTHER POOL. SHOCKING THE SHIPYARD DOESN’T HAVE A PHOTO OF IT.
WHEN YOU OPEN THE GARAGE TO REVEAL THE BEACH CLUB, IT’S UNDOUBTEDLY A PERFECT, SHADY HOOKUP NOOK
THE CHANDELIER. THE BUILT-IN CURIO CASES. THE WOODEN FLOORS. OH, YES. THIS IS DINING AT SEA.
THE MAIN SALON IS SPACIOUS AND WARM. SOMEONE WILL PASS OUT IN THAT FOREGROUND STUFFED CHAIR BUT THEY’LL BE OK.
THIS IS WHERE YOU USE A QUILL AND INKWELL TO WRITE POST-PARTY CHECKS FOR THE HELP
AN APARTMENT OF A KITCHEN
THE HUDSON HOTEL IN NY HAS SMALLER ROOMS THAN THIS
THE FULL-BEAM OWNER’S SUITE WITH A SITTING AREA TO WATCH DOLPHINS FROLIC
THE BEACH CLUB CAN ALSO BE OUTFITTED FOR A TENDER ON A MECHANIZED DIVE PLATFORM THAT GENTLY LOWERS INTO BISCAYNE BAY
THE SIRENA 88 CAN GO A WHOPPING 25 KNOTS, POWERED BY TWIN 1550 HP MAN V12 ENGINES
A REGAL PROFILE WITH FLOOR TO CEILING WINDOWS LET’S THE SUN SHINE IN
THE UPPER DECK. SEE DIPPING POOL #2?
THE MAIN DECK IS ALSO WHERE THE OWNER’S CABIN LIVES
BELOW DECK HAS 4 ADDITIONAL STATEROOMS WITH PRIVATE BATHROOMS. JUST RIGHT OF THE LARGE GREY SQUARE (THE ENGINE ROOM) IS THE CREW QUARTERS.

After you watch the sizzle reel, consider that Sirena Yachts has an office in Fort Lauderdale. Go buy one today. And invite MiMi, please.

PHOTOS: Sirena Yachts

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