World's Richest Man Jeff Bezos, Miami High Schooler and Seaspice Partier, Buys $165 Million Estate

Amazon founder Jeff Bezos not only went to Palmetto Senior High School – a public school in Pinecrest – he graduated as valedictorian and National Merit Scholar. Though he was born in Albuquerque and had a childhood in Houston, his formative years were forged in Miami. This is why Jeff totally loves Miami and parties here all the time. He arrives at Seaspice by yacht, dad dances at LIV, and hangs out with Lizzo in Miami Gardens. This is why Miami got pump-faked into thinking Amazon’s HQ could move here.

In case you’ve been in a vegetative state, you’ll be delighted to learn Jeff is also the richest person in the world. After giving his ex-wife 42,000 million dollars, Jeff still has $132 billion. When Jeff goes to an ATM, it explodes. Jeff makes $2,489 per second, and in the time it took you to read this sentence, Jeff made $14,934. Do not kill yourself. While reading ‘do not kill yourself’, Jeff just made another $3,733.50. You’re now in a circuitous, clinical depressive, calculative freefall from which you’ll never fully recover. Reading on will distract you.

JEFF IS DATING A HELICOPTER PILOT NAMED LAUREN SANCHEZ. PHOTO: GETTY IMAGES

Because it was Wednesday yesterday, Jeff bought the most expensive house in Los Angeles history for $165 million. It is so big, it has its own gas station and its own golf course. Sold to him by yacht buddy / music mogul David Geffen, the 1937 Beverly Hills house was originally the Jack Warner estate, founder of Warner Brothers studios. With 8 bedrooms and 9 bathrooms, the home sits on 392,040 square feet of land (9 acres), for which he paid $421/ft in land or $12,132/ft for the house. No matter how you calculate it, it’s not enough space, so Jeff also bought a nearby 120-acre estate for $90 million, bringing his Wednesday to $255 million. 255,000,000 ÷ 132,000,000,000 means Jeff spent .0019% of what he has. He cashed out of $3.5 billion in Amazon stock the week before last. The wire has been sent.

YOUR GRANDMA CALLED. SHE LIKES JEFF’S NEW HOUSE. PHOTO: ARCHITECTURAL DIGEST

According to Architectural Digest, “Only a handful of Beverly Hills houses have ever rivaled the Warner estate. With its 13,600-square-foot neoclassical Georgian-style mansion, expansive terraces and gardens, two guesthouses, nursery and three hothouses, tennis court, swimming pool, nine-hole golf course and motor court complete with its own service garage and gas pumps, the nine-acre property was— and still is—the archetypal studio mogul’s estate.”

AN AERIAL PHOTO OF JEFF BEZOS’ NEW HOUSE. PHOTO: ARCHITECTURAL DIGEST
JEFF BEZOS’ NEW HEDGE IS 165 FEET TALL TO KEEP YOU OUT. PHOTO: VARIETY
JEFF BEZOS’ NEW POOL. PHOTO: ARCHITECTURAL DIGEST
JEFF BEZOS’ NEW LIVING ROOM. PHOTO: ARCHITECTURAL DIGEST

COVER PHOTO: REUTERS

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